Joy. Wonder. Merriment. Hope.
That’s what the holiday season is all about, right?
While society puts the pressure on us to fully experience the ‘most wonderful time of the year’ from Thanksgiving (or Halloween) through the New Year, the holiday blues are pretty common. Couple societal pressures for a joyous Christmas season with the pressure Christians put on themselves to ‘have it all together,' and many people find the holidays stressful, overwhelming, and depressing. Blah!
As someone who has struggled with depression and anxiety on and off for years, I have learned how important it is to plan ahead so that I can move through and embrace wholeheartedly everything this season presents to me, both the expected and even the not-so-expected.
1. Forget perfection!
I am a recovering perfectionist, but I have truly learned the freedom of being imperfectly perfect (thanks to Jesus and righteousness). A standard of perfection is the last thing you need this holiday season. Lower your expectations of yourself and your family, and in so doing, be kind to yourself. Let go of all the things you think you "should" be doing, saying, and being and rest in who God made you to be.
2. Cut back on commitments.
‘No’ is a powerful word that we don’t say enough. Prioritize what is important and necessary and drop all of the rest (← this requires making hard choices, changing the way you usually do things, saying no to things that are 'good', and ‘letting down’ others). Yikes. It’s hard, but necessary, because bitterness and resentment quickly fill the cracks that are left from our obligatory yes’s. You have more control over your life than you think!
3. Focus on what matters.
One thing that usually helps me break out of a funk is doing something outside of myself. Deliver cookies to your neighbors, visit a retirement community with your kids, fill boxes with non-perishable food items for the homeless, etc. Seeing beyond ourselves usually helps us refocus and reset ourselves.
4. Try something new.
Break up the monotony with something different. Routine and structure surely have their place, but beginning of a new tradition could be refreshing. Whether it's doing something to serve the community (see # 3), or trying something fun within your own walls, change is good.
5. Minimize time with difficult friends and family.
Let’s face it: we all have some. Unfortunately, we cannot always avoid them, but we don’t have to let them have power over us. Set, communicate, and stick to clear boundaries around yourself and your time.
6. Stick to a budget.
Need I say more? Don’t spend outside of your means! Debt is a heavy burden to carry, and for what? For your kid to have the coolest toy that they won’t even care about next year? Limit your spending by limiting gifts, making some at home, buying used, or shopping deals.
7. Practice self-care.
Eat well. Get sleep. Move your body. Ask for help.
Beyond the above necessities, frequently partake in activities that energize and bring you life. If creating fills that, find time to create. If it’s reading, dive into a good book for an hour. If it’s being outside, make time for a hike. Play sports, laugh with friends,and just be you. This activity could regularly shift as your emotional needs shift.
8. Learn to grieve.
The holidays magnify the losses that we’ve experienced. Allow yourself to grieve and experience the feelings associated it.
9. Share your story.
You are surely not alone in the holiday crazies. Talk to those close to you who have earned a right to hear your story and support one another on the journey. Empathy goes a long way in combating shame, just as encouragement helps thwart feelings of inadequacy (check out this 3 minute video by Brene Brown on what empathy really is). We are not made to do it by ourselves.
10. Invite God into the mess.
Daily (or weekly) practice the Prayer of Examen.
According to Ignatianspirituality.com, the Prayer of Examen dates back to the early church, and “is a technique of prayerful reflection on the events of the day in order to detect God’s presence and discern his direction for us… [it] can help us see God’s hand at work in our whole experience.” The version below is similar to the one practiced by St. Ignatius of Loyola (taken from the above website).
- Become aware of God’s presence.
- Review the day with gratitude.
- Pay attention to your emotions.
- Choose one feature of the day and pray from it.
- Look toward tomorrow.
These 10 steps are by no means a cure for all meltdowns and feelings of stress, and it certainly wasn't made to take away deeper levels of depression (please seek professional help), but I pray it will help you cinch a bit more joy, hope, and wonder from this season.
