Today’s society wants you to believe that if you don’t have a gaggle of girls that are Instagram perfect and meeting #squadgoals that you have something missing.  And the truth is, while we were created for relationship and have a very real need of companionship, these filtered pictures you see of friends hanging out on Facebook is just another example of watching the social media highlight reel. 

As I mentioned in the post “My Tribe,” the transition to being mom of a school aged kid has brought an onslaught of new acquaintances and friends, and has left me examining the relationships in my life. If you are looking to build stronger, more godly friendships with those around you, here are a few thoughts to consider as you move forward.

THE ENDS

As with most things in life, the healthiest of friendships seek to have one goal - to glorify God. 

Consider the the first question in the Westminster catechism that students learn beginning in Kindergarten at Veritas Academy - What is man’s chief end?  Man’s chief end is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.

We can glorify and enjoy God by appreciating and building up the people (His creation) around us!  Ask yourself - what is the point of my friendships?  Is it for fun? For gossip?  For social obligation?  Or is it pointing my friend(s) toward Jesus?  Like the Proverbs say, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

In a book called, The Company We Keep, Jonathan Holmes defines biblical friendship.

“Biblical friendship exists when two or more people, bound together by a common faith in Jesus Christ, pursue him and his kingdom with intentionality and vulnerability. Rather than serving as an end in itself, biblical friendship serves primarily to bring glory to Christ, who brought us into friendship with the Father. It is indispensable to the work of the gospel in the earth, and an essential element of what God created us for. “

Biblically, we see this in the story of Jonathan and David in 1 Samuel.  They supported God’s calling on each other’s life and encouraged one another.  When David was anointed to be the next king of Israel, Jonathan could have been angry or jealous - after all, the kingship of his father was rightfully his. Instead, he supported his friend David, and together they spurred each other on in obedience to and faith in God.

THE MEANS

Friendships take time and intentionality.  We have so many resources at our fingertips to keep in touch with people - phone, text, email, facetime, social media, even the postal service.  We must make sure we are using these tools to help our relationships, not hinder them or to replace actual face time.

As noted in the Holmes quote above, in addition to intentionality, friendships require vulnerability.  This does not mean that you tell everyone you meet all your deepest darkest secrets, but it does mean you must put yourself out there.  Don’t wait for someone to invite you for coffee - ask them!  Ask meaningful questions and take time to listen to the answers.  Be willing to thoughtfully answer questions.  Be willing to put your friends wants and needs before your own.

It also bears mentioning that friends do not need to be your same age. I have had wonderfully life-giving relationships with women 10 years older, 10 years younger, and even 30 years older than myself.  Look to Titus 2:3  for inspiration here, as Paul spurs on the leaders of the church:

“Teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.  Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be based at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”

NEXT STEPS

If you’re ready to take the plunge to meet some new ladies and intentionally work on glorifying God through the process, join us on Monday night for Downtown Destination Conversations (for Moms) at Bistro Barberet, Lancaster.  Enjoy an evening of camaraderie and conversation as we moms bond together over heavy hors d’oeuvres and a cash bar, and take part in an engaging discussion led by Kathy McClure, Veritas parent, author, and founder of uber-popular local blog Frugal Lancaster, speaking on Thriving by Diving Out of Your Comfort Zone: How using your gifts is the best gift for moms.  Today (Wednesday) is the RSVP deadline, so if you're interested in attending or want more information, contact Rona' Martin at rmartin@veritasacademy.com.