How you look. How you sound. How you think.

These three pillars formed the basis of Veritas Academy's Class & Courtesy Week, as all the students and faculty spent time each morning learning about the importance and the implementation of good manners - and how they are about far more than just knowing what silverware to use and saying "please" and "thank you."

Covering both the principals and the practicalities behind these manners, our presenters intilled concepts that will help kids to thrive as they grow in the workplace, in their families, their friendships, and beyond. As parents, we can do our kids a great service by continuing this conversation in our homes and finding ways to grow in their hearts a genuine love for others that results in classy, courteous behavior.

How You Look

Veritas faculty Joy Berkhouse broached the sometimes delicate subject of appearance with our girls, beginning with the ever-true statement that how one dresses sends a message (either good or bad), and is actually a way that we can show respect (or the lack thereof) to the people we come in contact with. "Dressing well shows thought and consideration for others," Joy told the students. Beyond that, she noted, it is a sign of respect for yourself. "As image-bearers we have gifts and talents from the Lord and we should express our understanding of that in how we dress and carry ourselves."

It is good to take pride in one’s appearance as long as it is not done out of conceit or desire for personal glory. Joy cautioned the girls to always examine their intentions when choosing what to wear: will our clothing glorify God or will does it seek to draw attention to ourselves? Dressing with class and modesty is a way we are considerate of others.

Beyond our clothing, Joy - who was raised with her mother's Southern values - discussed how we as women should carry ourselves. She taught the girls how to ensure they maintain good posture (standing straight with your shoulders back and head up, sitting erect with your legs together), which not only denotes class and poise, but is also beneficial for ones health. And finally, giving good eye contact, putting our phones down when we're in others' company, and learning the art of a good handshake rounded out her advice.

Terry Hertzog, golf professional, business leader, and Veritas coach, met with our boys and engaged them in a lively interactive discussion about how they carry themselves as men. Similar to Joy, he showed them the principles of good posture, teaching them how to pinch their shoulder blades back in order to stand tall. The boys - from kindergarten through high school - all practiced their good handshakes (but not before having time to try out the extremes of the bad ones, from the wimpy to the vice-grip).

Terry also went over the importance of dressing appropriately and with care, and why it's important for men (and boys) to take time for proper grooming. From combed hair to tucked shirts to shined shoes, he helped them realize the sometimes subconscious value that others (like potential employers, perhaps) place on them according to how they look.

How You Sound

Our grammar school was thrilled to welcome WJTL's Lisa Landis of local "Kid's Cookie Break" radio fame to talk with them about how to speak with courtesy. Joking that she now gets paid to do what she always got into trouble for as a child (talking), she drew on her expertise to help kids overcome common communication blunders.

Using "like" and "uhhh" (among other such "fillers") can be a distracting and sloppy way to speak. Instead, Lisa suggested pausing and thinking about what you're trying to say, and thinking of other words to use. For example, instead of: "She was like 'What are you doing?' and he was like "None of your business!'", you could say: "She asked 'What are you doing?' and he yelled 'None of your business!'"

Beyond the actual words we say, Lisa talked about our tone of voice and the message that says. If we want to truly be heard, and we want our good intentions to come through, we should avoid some bad vocal habits. For example, many of us have the habit of talking "up:" ending our statements as if they were a question. Talking like this can make us seem like we don't really believe what we're saying. Also, a trend that many young people are taking on is called "vocal fry," the practice of speaking in a low, hoarse register (check out the Kardashians for an example). Even though more and more millenials and people in the media are imitating this style of speech, it can make the speaker appear disinterested or lazy, and greatly decrease their credibility. And finally, kids can practice speaking in a tone and volume that is appropriate for the setting and avoiding mumbling or yelling.

Above all, Lisa encouraged the kids to be good listeners, drawing on Epictetus' saying that "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak." Because being a good listener is a crucial component of good communication skills, kids should learn to make eye contact when someone is speaking and to keep their eyes off their phones when in the company of others.

Our secondary students heard very similar sentiments from the TED talk they viewed by Julian Treasure titled "How to Speak So That Others Will Want to Listen." You can watch it here, and you'll be glad you did; he provides relevant tips in an engaging manner...and the British accent is the icing on the cake!

How You Think

To close out our Class & Courtesy talks, Duane Miller - local businessman, former missionary and pastor, NCAA college football player and husband of our esteemed receptionist - talked to our kids about how good manners are truly a matter of the heart.

"Courtesy is rooted in love," he told them, citing Jesus' command to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength" and "love your neighbor as yourself." By being courteous to others, we are showing love.

Recognizing that many might view good manners and showing courtesy can be a sign a weakness, Duane called the students' minds to Jesus' example. Though he was the God of the universe, he humbled himself to a servant's position, even washing his disciples' feet.

Having true courtesy from the heart, Duane said, has a threefold value. It is beneficial for ourselves, because it can preserve our hearts and attitudes, by forcing us to act in a way that we sometimes don't "feel" like acting. Courtesy also has the potential to transform an entire culture. When everyone in a culture has a mindset of looking out for themselves only, then at any given time you only have one person lookin out for you: yourself. However, when everyone is looking out with consideration for everyone else, we can always have many people looking out for our best interests. "That is transformational" he said. Finally, it improves our walk with God. He pointed students to Philippians 2:5-11, which highlights Christ's example of humility as our ultimate guide to how we should treat others.

So, parents if we want our children to not only preserve their own hearts and attitudes, but also have a hand in transforming their schools and communities for the good of God's kingdom purposes, then we must help them to make class and courtesy a habit of the heart!