As our culture slides down the slippery slope of incoherence, we need to both understand and feel the glory of the things being questioned, lost, and discarded. One of the most distressing aspects of our culture’s incoherent position of gender and sexuality (which could best be summed up with the motto: “you are what you think you are”) is the loss of glory and joy found in the sexual differences built into the world.

Today, I wanted to plead with you to consider the loss of manliness in our culture—particularly as it relates to men. I want to start by denying a few things.

First, by recognizing a special place and calling for men, I am not saying that I want women to be weak. I want women to be strong. My school, Veritas Academy, trains girls and boys to work hard, to play hard, to think logically, and to persuade people. I coach girls’ basketball and we play to win.

Second, I am not a male chauvinist or some sort of brute. I like football, but I also like Jane Austen. I open the door for ladies. I try to lift heavy things when my wife tells me to, but if it is too heavy then I ask her (and my daughters) to help.

That said, I am distressed our culture’s rejection of manliness, and I want to suggest a few steps toward recovering a solid and positive view of what it means to be a man and to sketch out a path forward toward beginning to train young men to prize manliness.

Step 1: Getting a Vision - Seeing the Lost Art of Manliness (What is a Man For?)

The first step toward recovering something is seeing it for what it is. When one starts to look for manliness, a scan of our culture should cause concern. Often, to avoid seeming oppressive to women or chauvinistic, men in our culture become passive and blend into the background. Way too often, men simply let very active, very driven women do the work for them (As someone who has worked at a school for 20 years, this surprises me in only one way: I am not sure why the women put up with it!). Boys, even good ones, struggle with laziness. Our culture doesn’t applaud this shiftlessness, but it doesn’t do a good job of giving boys a positive role model to grow toward. As a counterbalance to passive men, our culture has a developed a place for people who look manly (long beard, clothes that look like hard work could be done in them) but some of these guys are, as they would say in Texas, “big hat, no cattle.”

What, then, are we looking for? What are the essentials of manliness? It all starts with The Man, Jesus. At the core of Jesus’s mission was sacrifice. Speaking of his birth, Matthew’s Gospel records, “She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins" (1:21). He was born to grow up and to save people by laying down his life. This is at the core of a positive vision of masculinity. Men make sacrifices for the people that they love. Men lay down their lives for their families, for their community, and for their country. Men die to save others.

Step 2: Rediscovering the Joy of Manliness

When we discover that sacrificial death to self for the sake of others is at the core of being a man, one question should pop into our minds: why would anyone want to do that?

After we see what a man is, we have to help men and women appreciate manliness and find joy in using strength to protect, defend, and sacrifice for others. Here are three ways I can suggest we do that:

1. First, experience the joy of giving. Providing for the needs of others is one of the greatest joys of life!

2. Also, hard work in and of itself is powerfully important. As our culture becomes more technologically driven, a lot of tasks are done in ways that are technical, but that don’t require physical strength. Other tasks require hard work, physical labor, and sweat. This kind of work is really important for young men. Not because the biggest sacrifices that most of them will make will be physically difficult, but because that is something that most young men bring to the table—they are strong or they get stronger through disciplined work. (This kind of work can be good for girls too, but using hard sweaty work to train young men to use strength for the good of others is a crucial lesson for them.)

3. Finally, athletic exertion can teach this joy. Team sports can be particularly great! On a team, you don’t always get to shine. You have to block on some plays or set picks or be a decoy. Other people count on you to lay down your life for the team. That can be great practice for young men, but only if you play in a sacrificial way.

Step 3: Teaching Boys to be Men

I wanted to make some practical suggestions about implementing finding the joy of being a sacrificing man:

• Have a young man work hard (with sweat) and earn money so that he can give that money to others. This is great training for future sacrifice.

• Have your son plant and tend of a small garden or be in charge of part of the family garden. At the end of the season make his produce into a featured meal with neighbors or grandparents.

• Pick out some work for that your son can do with for the grandparents or for an older person in the neighborhood.

Remember, boys take patience and faith. They take time and hard work, BUT the payoff is incredible. When a strong man consistently lays down his life for his family, friends, and neighbors the results are joy, peace, stability, and health for not only himself but also his wife, his children, his community, and his country.

Veritas dads: want a chance to talk about and digest this topic a little more? Come out to our Downtown Destination Conversations event this coming Monday, March 13 from 7-9 pm at Tellus360, where you can hang out with fellow fathers, grab some tasty hearty appetizers, and hear from Veritas teacher and Westminster Presbyterian Youth Pastor Chris Walker on "Training Our Boys to Be Men (and Our Daughters to Know the Difference)." Cost is $15 per person. Registration is due today (Wednesday, March 8), so contact rmartin@veritasacademy.com to RSVP now!