A few years ago we had five seniors receive full scholarship offers for college, so one in three seniors that year was offered free tuition for their college years. Other students received substantial scholarships as well. It was so amazing that I started to try to figure out what happened. I heard the same story over and over again. Students have to have the academic abilities to be considered for honors and scholarships. Often, however, the last phase of the selection process is a personal interview with a committee of adults. The feedback I received was this: our students enjoyed talking with adults about meaningful subjects and they delight in conversation. Sadly, in a culture where an increasing number of students spend most of their lives staring at screens often abstracted from the people in front of them, students who can talk with adults shine brighter and brighter.
So, I wanted to share with you some keys ways you can help your child love talking with adults.
First, make sure that you have dinner together as often as you can and spend time at dinner talking. I know that life is busy, but guard dinner. On the weekends set aside time for a nice meal and have some questions to talk about. Younger children love stories. Middle schoolers dive into moral dilemmas ("I found a $20 bill on the sidewalk this morning; what should I do with it? Can I keep it or do I need to find the original owner!) With older children remember that quality counts. Make time to take your daughter to the local (cool) coffee shop--even if you or she is just having water. You might end up being her hero!
Second, encourage good reading. Reading good books is just listening to adults--mainly smart older ones or ones who have already died, but whose voice is so powerful that we continue to listen to it. Better yet, read the book with your child and talk about it at dinner or at the coffee shop!
Third, remember that hospitality and holidays are great times for leisurely conversations. These are times when children can grow their conversational muscles. You can help. First, think about your child. Are they ready to spend time at the table with adults? If not, let them go; but if so, stretch them. Don't just let them get down and play. Second, think about the adults who will be there and think about how you can draw interesting discussion out from some of them. Did their grandfather cross the beach at Normandy? See if he would be ready to tell the story at Thanksgiving (you should really record this one). Does Aunt Martha have a funny story about how she accidentally dropped the pumpkin pie in the ditch one year? Ask her to tell it! The end goal is providing an environment around the table that the child will long to be a part of because it is enjoyable. If your family celebrations do not foster good conversation, use hospitality to meet the same goal. Invite people over who are interesting to listen to and who will bring up interesting topics.
On a side note, if your child is really confident and talkative around adults, help them to listen more and talk less. It shows respect and they learn more. Listening helps you prepare to talk--and it shows care toward others.
God gave us language. Language assumes that there is "another" that you want to communicate with. That communication and the relationships that are fostered through it are one of the chief blessings of life. Helping your children enjoy talking (especially face to face) is a powerful blessing for them, and for those within the sound of their voices.
