What do cheerleaders, commercials, and sex trafficking have in common? If you answered the Super Bowl, you are correct. All three will be abundant this weekend.
It goes without saying, we live in a sexualized culture. You cannot go anywhere without being inundated with images of barely dressed women (and men), nor is it hard to escape being within earshot of degrading conversation. Whether we are numb to it or ignorant of it doesn't mean our kids aren't seeing it. According to PureHope, kids see an average of 14,000 sexual images a year. How many of those images will be during this weekend when we are consuming some good old football?
Now, don't get me wrong; I will be enjoying the game with my family, but I won't neglect to engage my kids in thoughtful conversation, nor will I neglect to set some boundaries. Why? Because it is my job to teach my children self-worth and respect of others in their pursuit of Christ. Sexual addiction, sin, and ignorance are all counter to both.
The statistics are alarming, to say the least.
According to Covenant Eyes, an internet accountability and filtering company:
- 9 out of 10 boys are exposed to pornography before the age of 18.
- The average first exposure to pornography among men is 12 years old, and most of the time it's on accident (sadly, many pornography producers target kids).
- 51% of pastors say internet pornography is a temptation/problem.
- 64% of Christian men and 15% of Christian women say they watch porn at least once a month (women are the fastest growing consumers of porn).
This small glimpse of our brokenness breaks me. Every. Time. And these are 'just' the stats on pornography! Porn (and other sexual sin) is destroying our kids, husbands, wives, marriages, families, and churches. This isn't just a man's problem, and it certainly isn't a crisis that exists solely and safely outside of the church walls.
So, now that you are mildly (or majorly) freaking out, there is something we can do - besides moving off the grid - as we raise the next generation to pursue purity.
As believers, we are called to be pure as Jesus is pure (1 John 3:3). Purity is not an accomplishment that we achieve, it's a relationship with the One who makes us pure.
We were created by God as sexual beings. Therefore, our pursuit of purity is really the pursuit of Christ. This is a lifelong journey that doesn't end on our wedding night!
Here are some tips on how we as parents can aid our children along this journey.
Acknowledge awkwardness
Yes, talking about sex with your kids can be extremely uncomfortable. However, if we are not the ones talking to our kids about this, then they are already hearing it from our culture. We must establish ourselves as safe places to continue the dialog.
Start early 
It is never too early to start talking about sexuality. Starting young with age appropriate material will make it easier as your children age to have open and continual dialog. Don't fret if you haven't - it's never too late to start!
Call it what it is
Using proper terminology for body parts - even when it feels uncomfortable - eliminates some of the shame attached to talking about sex when children get older.
Be vigilant and simplify
It doesn't have to be a big production. Talk about sex as it comes up organically and be sure to be intentional to set aside time to check in with your kids. Be aware of what they are doing and who they are engaging with.
“Lead with a limp:” Tell your story
Vulnerability goes a long way with our teens. Be honest with your own past/current struggles in your journey with sexual integrity without divulging all the details. Kids need to know that they are not alone.
Talk about why God created sex in the first place
Pleasure - Start here! Why? 1) It is true, and 2) The world is screaming this message, whether we like it or not. Who do you want them to hear it from? (Song of Solomon)
Procreation - Not only can children come from sexual union, sex is life-giving to a marriage (Genesis 1:28).
Protection - God knew we would have sexual desires because we are sexual beings. Marriage is an outlet for our desires that protects us from temptations (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
Proclamation - Sexuality is a metaphor used throughout scripture. Paul calls it a mystery, and a reflection to Christ and His bride, the Church (Ephesians 5:31-32). Even singleness points to Christ waiting for His bride as she readies herself (Revelation 19:7).
Refocus
Change the way you think and talk about sex and the pursuit of purity. Rules without relationship will lead to rebellion and eliminate the ability of your kids to see God's goodness in his intended plan. Behavior modification rarely works. Having a secure identity in Christ will go a lot further.
PRAY
The pursuit of purity begins and ends with God. It's a journey we are all on and none of us will arrive at the end until Christ finishes that work in us. Pray for wisdom and protection, intercede for your kids, and rely fully on the Holy Spirit.
Find healing
As parents, we need to have a healthy understanding of God’s design for sex. It may be necessary to seek professional counseling for yourself if you have experienced hurt/trauma in the area of your sexuality. We cannot give our kids a healthy view of sex if we don't have one ourselves.
Grace, grace, grace
You need it for yourself and for your children. We aren't going to always do this right. We aren't done for if we mess up or if someone else messes it up, and neither are they. No matter what has happened to you and no matter what you've done, you can still pursue purity, you are still part of God's story, and He is and will continue sanctifying you.
Love Wins. Every Time.
More than likely your kids will see porn, they will see homosexuality, and they will bump up against (or crash through) the guardrails that God has put into place. Sexual brokenness and sin are not going away. So how are we going to respond as our culture spirals downward in darkness?
Our job isn't to stop the cultural tailspin. We are called to be a community of light, exalting the Light. You will get push back, it will be messy, but we do not need to panic. The goal is not to raise safe kids, but strong kids who are pursuing Christ. The difference is determined by whether we parent out of fear or grace. The battle belongs to the Lord. He is faithful and promises us victory.
So as we party with friends and family this Sunday, look for opportunities to point your children to Christ and to have some thoughtful conversations. In fact, here is a great resource from the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding to help you guide your older child or teen to think critically about what they're watching. Or, as my husband puts it, you can choose a team without cheerleaders (read: Steelers) and your already one step closer to success.
